Moments of Reflections

I have written a poem through these few days which I was really frustrated, angry, depressed, and a mixture of emotions that overwhelmed me when I was alone.

Mom, where are you?

This reality is so painful

It felt like a permanent separation

Where I will never get to see you

Mom, I wish you were here again

To see your face all the days

But now, it felt like my worst fears has taken place

Even though I tried to make my way

Things doesn’t really get better

Coming home everyday

Felt like dad and I wasn't getting any stronger

My heart feels so hurt

As our memories embrace as one to lurk

I live in regrets everyday

That I had never cherished you all the way

I wish I could continue doing so much more for you

But it seems like I could never do

People said “It’s time to move on”

But why the clichés and everything

When they couldn’t understand the hurt that is like a thorn

They say they will be there

But what does it mean when the chances are so rare

They speak without really understanding the hurt

And there they go thinking,

“Oh man, here goes Kah Sheng again.”

“Why won’t he snuff out his pain?”

Till they got bored of hearing

Bored of feeling

They just live in their comfort zone

And then they wish others well on their own

The day when you slipped away

I felt my world has passed away

My friends were here momentarily

And left me dying here slowly

They thought I was recuperating like how others should

But they never thought I really would

Whatever happens to ‘weep with those who weep’?

It seems like a verse that has been put to sleep

A smile I’ve shown to others

An agony I’ve laid in cover

Everyone has their own troubles

What makes me so special to share and make theirs doubled?

Nobody wants to talk about it

Don’t bother to call or message

Even in person, don’t even bother to relate

Now I’ve understand why hurt people have given up

Because rarely others will choose to follow up

I’ve tried being positive

But it seems so negative

I tried looking to God

But somehow, I felt like I was a fraud

I prepare myself for the worst

I thought “Why not me, instead of you?

I should have gone first.”

But it doesn’t change anything

It’s difficult for others who have not loss their loved ones

To understand the hurt is so strong

Even though the time has been so long

And claimed that time will slowly heal it all

But their theory was all wrong

It seems like people are avoiding me

Even though they did not seem to be

But their actions have shown to me

How can I not think it to be?

If they really want to be my real friends

Please do care for me

Because if you really care, you would bother to ask

Unless you want me to rust and turn into dust

You can call me a pessimist

Or classify me as a Mel

Sick of me, I understand

Tired of me, I can comprehend

Perhaps I am being paranoid

Or maybe what I thought is true

But don’t left me hanging void

Or else I really feel like a fool

Yea, you can say I am swayed by emotions

And tell me that I should trust God in devotion

But do you ever ponder

How can people continue thanking God when loved ones are taken away?

It felt so fake to do it all the way

Even if I am still alive

The agony is still on the rise

Many times I felt like giving up

But obligated to continue living on

In this world that it seems so wrong

I need assurance and affirmation

Just like how you need confirmation

I need comfort

Even though it’s just your presence

For me to be heard

They say it starts from within and have a new perspective

How about them trying to be in my shoes before they go relating

It’s difficult for them to comprehend

And I understand

Because few get to witness their loved ones dying before

Blessings they would want to live in

Sufferings in which they do not want to partake in

Whatever happens to encourage one another when others are quietly suffering?

It seems like rarely people would want to bother

I have given up on sharing

Because it just dampens their moods

And nothing can really change anything

Even if they thought it would