God made ugly people

If there's a God out there, he made me ugly

There's something worse than not having a good personality

It's being ugly

Like really fucking ugly 

People start to hate you

And then they start to judge you

Every day, I prayed

I begged and I cried from within

I go down on my knees

I told God

I just wanted to be handsome as the others

Days passed, years went 

But I am stuck in this ugly mess

I want to free my soul

I hate living in this unsightly face

that God gave me

I stared at other guys

Handsome, hot bodies, and beautiful features with perfectly-sculpted face

And I thought

Just maybe, maybe...

God doesn't love me as much at all

I've imagined being mystique from the 'Xmen' so I can shapeshift into someone handsome. People think I look in the mirror all the time because I'm vain, but I'm actually just keeping a check if I've gotten uglier as the day passes. A day never goes by without me thinking, "Why can't I be attractive?" I can't even make proper eye contact with anyone because I feel judged. I'm always preoccupied with what other people think about my face.

No one will ever understand how much it hurts to be ugly, to be rejected. People have bad hair days but I have ugly face days, which is every day. I just wish one person was able to find me attractive, I mean, that's not too much to ask, is it? I've always constantly felt that I'm being judged by everyone around me. I've always hated it when attractive people receive better treatment from everyone else, and I'm always treated like I'm Jabba the Hutt. I guess I have to accept the fact that nobody likes me and probably no one ever will. What's worse is being ugly and gay, that's like playing the dating game on extreme mode.

As much as I hate my own reflection, I can't help but look at it all the time. I've always hated it when someone attractive gives me a talk/advice on beauty while they will never understand how much I struggled just to look good and they don't even have to put in so much effort into it. It's always these handsome people who will always say "Everyone is beautiful". Easy for them to say because they are handsome motherfuckers. I feel like punching anyone who starts to talk about the importance of inner beauty when they themselves are good looking.

People kept telling me that I shouldn't put concealer and stuff. It seems like they want to take a shovel and dig up the foundation off my face, but I can't help that I look terrible without it. I wear make-up because of too much acne scars. Too much acne scars because of make up. It's an endless cycle. I hate spending so much money on cosmetics and facials and seeing no improvements.  Everyone thinks I'm okay with being unattractive because I'm a guy and I have to act like it's not a big deal, when actually it hurts me every day, sometimes to the point of crying when looking in the mirror.

It's sad knowing that I love others, more than I love myself. People always say "You got to love yourself in order for people to love you." It's not true that you can't love others if you don't love yourself. Some put all the love they have into others and are left with none to keep...I hate to see others in pain, but when it comes to me, "I'm fine." I believe that I'd be a good boyfriend, but no one will give me the opportunity. I've heard several times people say that I'm not their type. Well obviously, 'ugly' isn't your type. You don't know what it's like not to be wanted.

I feel like I can only go out at night when my flaws are hidden by the dark. Even at nights, I try to dodge unflattering lighting when out in public places. I've heard people told me my skin on my face looks like the surface of the moon and I felt like dying. All I ever see are the flaws on my face and I don't let anyone get too close to my face. People just don't know how much I get discriminated for my looks. Going out to the public is like social suicide to me. Even so, whenever I'm outside, I look at every random person around me and think to myself, "Am I uglier than that person?"

Whenever I finally think I look good in a picture, I upload the picture but nobody likes it. And then I start wasting a substantial amount of time sitting down thinking about my ugliness. I'd do absolutely anything to be handsome and attractive. I caged myself in a reclusive state of mind; craving for an idealistic life I wish I could have, yet it seems far from grasp. And no matter how hard I tried, no one ever knows how much I hated myself; how much I'm willing to cancel this last life of mine.

I know what it's like to want to die because beauty goes a long way in life. Because I'm absolutely afraid that I'll be a book that no one reads and the kind of music that no one will listen to anymore. I'm afraid I'll be abandoned like a movie playing in an empty theatre...