With a broken heart, I wept these tears.

My heart breaks and falls apart each time, to know how I'm still left unwanted by others. I'm supposed to be strong right? I'm supposed to have learned how to handle this, but I can't. What if, I'm never good enough for anyone? Somehow I just can't stop thinking that everybody would be so much better without me. I just can't do this anymore.

I don't know why I have to stay alive if I'm going to live forever sad. I don't want to hear things like live life to the fullest and make yourself happy and all that bullshit crap. Because I'm that tired and that close to falling apart each time I tried to be happy. I always ended up feeling like shit and sad. I feel as if, as if I'm falling, deeper and deeper, into a sad, and very dark place that never ends. I feel like I'm staring at reality through a screen. I can't touch it, and I can't really live it. I guess I am not okay. I am never going to be fucking okay. For all I know, I look disgusting. I'm sorry for being such a failure. I've always felt like a failure like no one could ever be proud of me. I'm tired of feeling that way. I'm tired of feeling.

I already know I'm shit. I don't need reminding. I feel like my heart just can't take it anymore, weak and fragile, heartbroken and all alone in this world that society just can't give a fucking shit about how you feel as long as you're being used to complete day to day bullshit tasks. I'm tired. I can't express enough how much I absolutely hate my life. Sometimes I just wish I weren't alive.

I can feel my mind slowly slipping away from me. But I can't let it show. I'm not worth anyone's worry. But somehow, I care more about others. Yet I'm always the one getting left out. I'm tired of losing people. I have a deep fear of being alone for the rest of my life. Being lonely is the most horrible feeling in the world.

I wonder what suicide is like...I'm afraid I might kill myself. No one ever misses me. No one does. I'm always the one constantly trying so hard and I don't even know why. I just...I didn't care anymore. Do you know what it's like? When you just don't give a damn anymore? It's like being dead already. Sometimes I isolate myself on purpose, in the hope that someone will ask what is wrong, but no one ever does.

I feel so unattractive that I want to cry. Because at the end of the day, all we care about is looks. No one falls in love with my personality at first sight. And it hurts that I can't be what everyone wants or what anyone needs and it hurts that I can't be what I want or what I need. Because I'm not enough and I won't be enough and I will never be close to enough and I'm just so damn tired. God, like my life, isn't fucked up enough as it is. When will this nightmare end?

When I do say that I hate myself, I don't want to you say that I am a great person. I know I'm not any of that. I am me and that is the problem. I am going to be the problem until the day that I die which I do hope is soon and if it works, I'm so sorry that I couldn't stay and that I couldn't have been any happier. Believe me, I tried so hard to be strong but I fear I can't keep this lie up and more. I am so, so sorry but just let me disappear. I feel like I'm going to break into a million pieces.

It's sad really, that the only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I don't want to hurt anyone but the reason I want to kill myself is because everyone is hurting me, and especially I'm hurting myself the most. I breathe through life as if it were a battlefield and wished that one day I would live, and not just survive.